Sad, Proud, Worried, Disappointed and Miserable

Flew back to Malaysia out of the blue because my grandfather has passed on. It was a sad moment. Attended his funeral, which lasted for 3 days. It was a weird moment, blended in sadness and heart-felt depression. My grandfather was a stranger to me, yet I respected him for what he has done and experienced in his entire 94 years. Frankly, I would miss my grandmother more since she was a caring, lovable, understanding, and open-minded lady. Even though she was not educated, yet she had more of those good values than those ladies who claim themselves 21-century ladies. Anyway, he is gone now, forever. It was certainly hurtful. I didn't shed much tears, honestly - just watery eyes... Perhaps, I wasn't really close with him, which somehow I regret...

These few days luckily weren't just sadness. Last night for the first time after the restaurant Dreams Shabu Shabu is opened, I entered with Chloe and Sherman as one of the customers. The shop looks great, feels good, and the food tastes better than I expected. I am very proud of what he has achieved, and well, I hope he will keep that up.



However, I am worried about the business of the shop. I would really love to help, and would really like to do something for the restaurant. I certainly will figure a way to help him, on the Internet or something. It is required to generate some buzz for the restaurant.

I am very disappointed however with my parents, just as much as they are very disappointed with me - I am not married, childless, and not rich enough to pay for the debt I am having for the house, and also my brother because of the restaurant. I think this disappointment will just continue. Just disappointed with myself as well actually no matter how much I do for the family, it will never be good enough. Sadly, this will go on for the rest of my life...

Now, I will stay till Friday. The work in Hong Kong doesn't just stop there. There are tons of work waiting for me, and I should do some while I am free at my home. Yet, mood is lack, and certainly demotivated to do any so-called meaningful work. I need to make a change of this miserable job - not high pay, high demand, stressful, non-supportive upstairs people, full of crappy people, and worst of all, it is somehow still not a satisfying job... TIme to make a move or else I will get stuck in this miserable life for the rest of my life. From now on till next year I need to breakthrough!!!